I know what you’re thinking, “Is she really going to write about her boobs?!”, and the answer is YES! Why? Well for one, they are kind of attached to me, which means they are a big part of my travel experiences; pun totally intended. Here’s the thing, they are ginormous. No, really, they totally are. My cup size is a size H (OMG I think I may hyperventilate. I’ve never admitted that to anyone before).That is not my stomach resting between my arms, it’s my BOOBS!!
Here’s the thing, my ‘girls’ are 100% natural. Yes, I am oh so blessed! I am definitely the luckiest girl in the world. Like, OMG, I know YOU totally want my boobs. Or so you say!
You’re so lucky! Some women would love to have your boobs!
You don’t want my boobs. Why? Well because carrying around two 8lb watermelon-like appendages (I weighed one of my boobs once, with a kitchen scale. I’m not sure of the accuracy, but it was impressively heavy. Hey, if guys can measure their junk with a ruler, I can weigh my boobs on a kitchen scale!) can cause a bit of back pain on a semi-regular basis, and the whole ‘lift with your knees’ advice doesn’t really work when your boobs act as a counter weight! And don’t even think about running. Running with boobs my size means I’m wearing a bra, two or three sports bras, and I’m holding them down to minimize the movement and pain. Yes, pain! And let’s not forget to mention the ever attractive uni-boob that multiple sports bras create!
Teenage boys make growth charts. I make shrinkage charts.
But if that is not enough of a deterrent…
Non-ginormous-boob-people have questions, views, or opinions about the magnitude of my bodacious rack (I’m guessing YOU may be one of those people); like the total stranger in Sudbury who decided to ask me why I haven’t had breast reduction surgery yet. You know, because I often talk of such things with random strangers.
“Well it’s kind of a big decision and there are a lot of factors to consider. Like the whole nipple removal thing”, I responded, hoping she’d drop the subject. Except she didn’t. So I had to go into even more detail about loss of feeling, breastfeeding repercussions if I choose to have children…
“The first time I met Pam was at TBEX 2010 in NYC. I jumped up from my seat and went in for a hug — only to find myself against a boob barrier. I still hugged her, and effectively squished her boobs in the process. They’re really nice, like pillows.” Candice, from Candice Does the World
Then there are the women who cup their breasts, look at mine, and say “I wish I had some of yours”, to which I respond, “Hey, you find the surgeon and foot the bill, and you can totally take half!”; to which they laugh and I think ‘No really, pay for it and I would gladly give you some!‘ (I’ve checked into surgery. It would cost at least $8,000. I could live in Asia for a year for $8,000!)
“As a female with small rack, I have boob envy. I don’t know what I love more, that her boobs are huge or that she’s rocking flip flips every time I see her.” Alicia, from My Life Untethered
If I’m not being asked for a piece of my boobs, or asked about my surgery choices, then I’m being counseled on where I should be buying my bras (or having them custom made). Although this can be a tad annoying in North America, I would welcome this conversation in say… Thailand; where I had to order bras off the internet, pay a crazy amount of money to have them shipped to Thailand, only to open the box and discover that, wait for it…
The bras I ordered where MADE IN THAILAND!
Boobs without Borders
I wear a lot of black, so the magnitude of my bodacious rack is minimized. [photo taken by Lisa Jones during our time in Africa]Here’s the thing, travelling with ginormous boobs = a lot of staring; and if you’re me it also involves slight mauling by old Chinese women.
Travelling with a backpack will make you stand out from the locals, but travelling with ginormous boobs and a backpack will make you stick out like a lion in a penguin colony.
Huh? What do you mean I can’t mention mauling by old Chinese women and not say anything more?! Isn’t that enough info for you?!
Fine… the short version is that I was in Xi’an, China. I was innocently walking down the street when an old woman stopped me, grabbed my arm, yammered at me in Mandarin, and poked my boobs with her finger. She then tried to look down my shirt; which I held tightly against my chest. When she couldn’t look down it, she tried to lift it up, when I countered by holding down the bottom of my shirt she had a friend stand in front of me and mime that I should lift up my shirt so they could see the real deal. I am so not kidding. I was beat red. I was rife with awkward laughter. I was mortified. But, I managed to get my arm free and walk away with all my clothes on and my dignity rocking itself to sleep in a white padded room.
Aside from old Chinese women my boobs have only been poked a couple times while traveling. Most of the time people (especially men) just stare. On occasion I may be followed for a time (which was slightly humorous in Cuba, but sacred the shit out of me in Sri Lanka), but the most common reaction is staring, and photographs.
It’s not as x-rated as you might be thinking. Asian men have a habit of asking to take a photo with me, and my polite Canadian nature keeps me from saying no; like when a Thai cop asked to have a photo with me in the middle of a dispute with my landlord, and then slipped me his private number afterward. Oh, I am so not kidding about that.
Traveling with ginormous boobs means I’m a little more aware of my surroundings, but it doesn’t mean I’m limited in where I travel. And if YOU have ginormous boobs, it shouldn’t limit you either!
Embracing the Realities with Humor
I am ‘Ginormous Boob Woman’! Boobs that can envelope a single bullet! I can cross a border without stepping a single foot across!
If you’re a ginormous-boob-sufferer, find the humor in it. Think of it this way…
- Tired of crumbs and small bits of food falling into your cleavage when you eat? No worries, with Ginormous Boobs you can either rest a plate on them to avoid crumbs all together, OR you can embace the situation and keep the crumbs as a snack for later!! (**warning: before getting your groove on be sure to duck into a bathroom, take off your bra, and clean them out. Apparently crumbs can be a turn off)
- Ginormous boobs = a sore, and usually a strong back! I can press roughly 300lbs with my back at the gym. Seriously, my personal trainer was in shock.
- Depressed? Trying to end it all? Hanging upside down (or completely flat in some cases) may cause your ginormous boobs to partially strangle you (Sorry guys, if a girl has firm ginormous boobs, they are probably fake!)
- What? You want to do a shrinking head photo effect?! No problem! Snap a photo of yourself holding the camera angled up just below your boobs. The photo will show your ginormous boobs, and in comparison your head will look incredibly small!