The Case of the Mysteriously Shrinking Boobs

Boobs in Foshan 1

Boobs in Foshan, China (creative commons photo from flickr)

When I woke up this morning, it was life as normal. Until I started to get dressed. That’s when things changed a wee bit. Okay, so they didn’t change while I was getting dressed, they obviously changed before that, I just didn’t notice it until I was getting dressed. Anyway! As per normal routine, I went about putting on my bra and decided to try the clasp that would make my bra fit smaller and tighter. Don’t ask why, I really don’t know why. I mean, it’s a crazy idea. My boobs have been this way for awhile now. In the past I’ve tried the other clasp, but then my boobs were practically pushed out of my bra and that was a tad uncomfortable. So why would today be any different? Nevertheless, I chose tighter clasps.

“Huh…I think my boobs are smaller.”

Naturally, my hands needed to check, cause it’s not everyday that my boobs shrink! So, I check and look in the mirror and check again. Yep, definitely smaller. [cue tiny shriek of excitement]. Once I decided that my boobs are, in fact, smaller, I had to tweet. Yes, I tweeted about it! [this is what it said.. “My boobs are shrinking!! Words cannot express my level of excitement. 😀 hahahaha”]

You see, I’m not a skinny girl. I haven’t been one for awhile now. So, my boobs are a tad large. Okay, if I were skinny, I’m sure they’d still be too large. I’m not saying that big boobs are bad, I just don’t enjoy things like lower back pain, or searching for hours to find a shirt that fits properly. Yes, I could get them reduced, but there are reasons why I don’t want to go down that road right now (one of them being the fact that my nipples would have to be removed and repositioned, and there is no guarantee they would work afterward. Not sure I want decorative nipples- unless they come with sparkly pink tassels, then I might be persuaded).

I know the guys reading this post are probably gobsmacked by the idea of boobs being too large, but dudes, it IS possible. Aside from shirts not fitting properly, there are other reasons why my boobs make me mental.

1.) Children all over the world feel like they need to stroke, poke or touch them.
2.) Men all over the world feel like they need to stare, poke or touch them.
3.) Old ladies in China feel like they need to poke, touch, stare and see them.
4.) If you take a photo of me with my boobs in the shot, my head then starts to look like it’s too small for my body. Seriously (This is one of the reasons why I always untag myself on FB photos. I have photographic rules, people. Use them.)
5.) I sometimes spill food when eating and don’t really enjoy finding crumbs at night when I finally set my boobs free.
6.) I can’t run or jog unless I wear like 3 sports bras over my normal bra.
7.) If I do have to run without the above supportive gear, then I actually hold my boobs and run, cause otherwise it hurts. Yes, hurts!

There is another reason why I’m excited about shrinking boobs that I haven’t mentioned. A reason that I haven’t mentioned at all so far. If my boobs are getting smaller, then that means I’m losing weight! Score!

One of the things I was looking forward to the most in Asia was the weather and the food. It’s not because I wanted to binge and eat bad foods, it’s because a lot of the food here is raw, whole foods. There is very little processed foods over here. This means that I usually eat a tad healthier. Plus, it’s hot and humid in Asia, which means I’m sweating all day long, which means I’m burning calories, getting rid of toxins etc.

Smaller boobs + weight loss = very happy girl.

I’m now thinking of changing their name (yes, my boobs have names) from Thelma and Louise to The Incredibly Shrinking Boobie Sisters. Too much? Are you sure? I kind of like that one. It’s sort of catchy and silly.

About The Author

I'm a travel writer and photographer who specializes in bespoke travel experiences. I write about boutique, savvy and cultural travel. My writing has been featured in Outpost Magazine, Travel + Escape, and UP! Magazine.

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9 Responses

  1. Tracy Burns

    Oh that last paragraph was just too much information. Way too much!

    But yay for you! That whole diet of butter chicken and butter naan seems to be working for you!

  2. Erica Kuschel

    Oh man, I hate the fact that they get in the way. The only positive is that I do get to save the runaway cookie piece that makes it out of my mouth. Other than that, my fashion is limited due to shirts becoming middrifts.

    • SpunkyGirl Monologues

      Oh, that makes me mental! I hate that I have to wear layers in places like Malaysia because one shirt is too tight and the other is too short.

  3. Technosyncratic

    Wow, do people really touch them that much?!  Mine aren’t even that large, and I still wouldn’t mind smaller breasts.  I just want to be able to go without a bra… and no have people oogle, y’know?  Or wear one of those tanks with a bra built in.  Have I mentioned that I hate bras?  Anyhow, people all over the world (kids or old ladies in China) should not be poking.  Boundaries, people!  Boundaries.

  4. Alouise

    I completely understand this. I am well endowed on the top as well, and it’s not as fun (and much more painful) than people think. I always find I lose more weight (or maybe I just think I lose weight) when I travel. I think the fact you’re usually walking a lot (at least I am) and you’re not at home in front of a tv/computer all day probably helps. If losing weight involves travelling, then I think I found the perfect diet.


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