When I woke up this morning, it was life as normal. Until I started to get dressed. That’s when things changed a wee bit. Okay, so they didn’t change while I was getting dressed, they obviously changed before that, I just didn’t notice it until I was getting dressed. Anyway! As per normal routine, I went about putting on my bra and decided to try the clasps that would make my bra fit smaller and tighter. Don’t ask why, I really don’t know why. I mean, it’s a crazy idea. My boobs have been this way for awhile now. In the past I’ve tried the other clasps, but then my boobs were practically pushed out of my bra and that was a tad uncomfortable. So why would today be any different? Nevertheless, I chose tighter clasps.
“Huh…I think my boobs are smaller.”
Naturally, my hands needed to check, cause it’s not everyday that my boobs shrink! So, I check and look in the mirror and check again. Yep, definitely smaller. [cue tiny shriek of excitement]. Once I decided that my boobs are, in fact, smaller, I had to tweet. Yes, I tweeted about it! [this is what it said.. “My boobs are shrinking!! Words cannot express my level of excitement. 😀 hahahaha”]
You see, I’m not a skinny girl. I haven’t been one for awhile now. So, my boobs are a tad large. Okay, if I were skinny, I’m sure they’d still be too large. I’m not saying that big boobs are bad, I just don’t enjoy things like lower back pain, or searching for hours to find a shirt that fits properly. Yes, I could get them reduced, but there are reasons why I don’t want to go down that road right now (one of them being the fact that my nipples would have to be removed and repositioned, and there is no guarantee they would work afterward. Not sure I want decorative nipples- unless they come with sparkly pink tassels, then I might be persuaded).
I know the guys reading this post are probably gobsmacked by the idea of boobs being too large, but dudes, it IS possible. Aside from shirts not fitting properly, there are other reasons why my boobs make me mental.
1.) Children all over the world feel like they need to stroke, poke or touch them.
2.) Men all over the world feel like they need to stare, poke or touch them.
3.) Old ladies in China feel like they need to poke, touch, stare and see them.
4.) If you take a photo of me with my boobs in the shot, my head then starts to look like it’s too small for my body. Seriously (This is one of the reasons why I always untag myself on FB photos. I have photographic rules, people. Use them.)
5.) I sometimes spill food when eating and don’t really enjoy finding crumbs at night when I finally set my boobs free.
6.) I can’t run or jog unless I wear like 3 sports bras over my normal bra.
7.) If I do have to run without the above supportive gear, then I actually hold my boobs and run, cause otherwise it hurts. Yes, hurts!
There is another reason why I’m excited about shrinking boobs that I haven’t mentioned. A reason that I haven’t mentioned at all so far. If my boobs are getting smaller, then that means I’m losing weight! Score!
One of the things I was looking forward to the most in Asia was the weather and the food. It’s not because I wanted to binge and eat bad foods, it’s because a lot of the food here is raw, whole foods. There is very little processed foods over here. This means that I usually eat a tad healthier. Plus, it’s hot and humid in Asia, which means I’m sweating all day long, which means I’m burning calories, getting rid of toxins etc.
Smaller boobs + weight loss = very happy girl.
I’m now thinking of changing their name (yes, my boobs have names) from Thelma and Louise to The Incredibly Shrinking Boobie Sisters. Too much? Are you sure? I kind of like that one. It’s sort of catchy and silly.